Discovering Third Places: Fostering Belonging in Shared Spaces
An essential part of every community
Third Spaces? What on earth is a third space? This is a question that I was asking myself the first few times I heard this term. I think I came across the term here on Substack, during a time that I didn’t have one. I think I also became aware of this in reference to TV + film and the spaces where the characters interact - particularly in SitComs. Think Central Perk in Friends, Monk’s Cafe in Seinfeld, or Maclaren’s in How I Met Your Mother.
Turns out that they don’t actually exist. I’ve been referring to third places, not third spaces. Learning on the job here. Whilst reviewing how third spaces impact quality of life, I came across a definition by Ray Oldenburg in 1989 who touted these as the “great, good places that foster community and communication among people outside of home and work, the first and second places of daily life. Third places are the bars and coffee shops, the beauty salons and barbershops, bowling alleys and recreation centres, public places where people meet, congregate, and communicate.”
The reference to bowling alleys shows us that this was written by someone 35 years ago. However, skimming through his book, this quote - referring to third places - stopped me in my tracks “They provide the individual with stimulation and the joy of shared fellowship while enriching a person's perspective on life through conversation with diverse others.
In his book, Oldenburg broke down the 8 key characteristics of third places as:
Neutral Ground - they are a place where nobody has any requirement to be there and can come and leave as they please.
Leveler - connections are based on mutual interests, not status.
Conversation is the Main Activity - whilst games and reading may occur, the focus is on shared interaction.
Accessibility and Accommodation - should feel welcoming and inclusive to all.
Regulars - help establish the vibe of the third place and help set the tone for newcomers.
Low Profile - should feel cozy and unpretentious, where everyone feels comfortable, regardless of their background or social standing.
Playful Mood - a focus is made on light-hearted conversation to create a stress-free environment.
Home Away From Home - they should provide a sense of belonging and comfort, almost as if an extension of one’s home.
I have many stories to share about this which give me great joy to recount here. My first memory of this concept is the old Italian and Greek men who inhabit Pran Central on a Saturday morning. I vividly remember my mate Joe telling me sometime in 2016 that he aspired to be one of these guys who show up every Saturday morning to chew the fat and catch up with each other. Playing chess, checkers, cards, whatever… it doesn’t matter. But what does matter is that they show up every Saturday morning.
Consider listening to an extended version of this article where I go into much greater detail and share even more stories about my travels
I admire my Nan for this reason too. Despite her advanced age and limited mobility, she still has a busier social life than I do here in Berlin. She has her friends and they have their own third spaces that they inhabit each and every week. Building a community and undoubtedly living a longer, more meaningful life as a result. Sure, a bunch of ladies in their eighties aren’t exactly working anymore, but the concept of having this neutral space for them all to meet up is at the core of why these spaces are so important for building and maintaining community.
This year I really embraced the life of going to sit in local cafes and writing. I think I’ll write a piece titled “An Ode to Local Cafes” in the future, but today is not that day. And no, I’m not talking about your local cafe that is light and open, converted from some form of blue-collar workplace, filled with plants, and lit exclusively with Edison lightbulbs. I’m talking about the types of places you come across when you go travelling and they are full of exclusively local people at all hours of the day and night, and often don’t have a menu. You simply order what you order and the waiter will tell you whether it’s possible or not. This summer, I alternated between Mint Tea or an Americano coffee depending on which country I was in.
My absolute favourite part of sitting in these cafes was people-watching and conversing with the locals if language allowed, or even sometimes if it didn’t and we could communicate through body and sign language. But even more than this, I love seeing a lone local sitting out the front of the cafe and one of their mates walk past and feign surprise that they bumped into their friend who inhabits the same table 365 days a year. Proceeding to sit and chat with them for an hour at 11:00 on a weekday as if the concept of work hasn’t ever crossed their mind. Similar to Joe, this is the life that I aspire to.
I’ve mentioned before that learning Spanish last year - whilst spending six months in Latin America - was if not the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. It completely changed the trip that I had, as I was able to gain a much more authentic understanding of what life is like in this part of the world.
Almost all towns in cities built by Spaniards follow the same formula. A big square (plaza) with a fountain or water feature, flanked by the town hall, church or cathedral, police station, restaurants + cafes, and colonial-influenced buildings. In these town centres, the old-timers are out in force at all hours of the day. Often armed with my journal or book I would gladly spend a couple of hours a day in these places watching the world go by and interacting with locals where possible.
No different to what I mentioned above, it is the older women and men who congregate on the park benches here and chat until the cows come home. On many occasions, I had the great pleasure of sharing a bench with the locals and would strike up conversation more often than not, trying to gain a deeper insight into what life is like for them here in this town. Granted, my Spanish is not perfect, but I was able to understand a lot and talk at length, provided I was steering the conversation.
Writing these paragraphs is making me even more grateful for the third space that I do have in my life right now, especially because it is not something I can access every day. With the nights twice as long as the days I’m really missing having more neutral spaces available to me, without the need of having to open my wallet.
This piece is being written in my third space. Despite not having a second space yet, I have come to realise that running clubs are my third space. Furthermore, CIC coworking in Berlin is a true third space, one in which I share with friends, feel a community growing around me, but most importantly a place that I enjoy being outside of my house. A library or cafe could also fit this bill, but nothing is more important than community in making you feel connected. As I wrote this paragraph I heard the statement across the table that “Berlin can be a lonely place.”
Credit where it is due, the reason that this piece came into being is due to an article I read from Running Sucks by Raz Rauf. In his piece How to keep run clubbers run clubbing, he writes:
“Maybe run club is that third space in your life — a place to socialize, away from home or work. As someone who’s worked from home for the majority of my adult life, it’s certainly that for me.”
This piece prompted me to think about these for the first time and comment:
“I recently moved to Berlin and have been struggling to find work. I often think about how I don't have a second (or third) space. Thank you for helping me reframe this in my brain 🤠
I've been using them to build a community and surround myself with people whom I know I have at least one thing in common with. Oftentimes I attend running clubs purely for the social aspect of them. The runs themselves will do little to improve my training/base, but do infinitely more to boost my mental health.”
In response to this, he pointed me in the direction of another piece of his - Community service with Venice Run Club - which goes deeper into this by saying:
“These third places are neutral places to give our new, more isolated selves common ground to share a conversational reality with others. Think of cozy, accessible spaces with regulars and strangers who command the same status. Third places are stress-relievers from the grind of daily life, and America was already awful at providing them.”
I’m grateful for running clubs, I’m grateful for these shared spaces. I’m grateful that I came across this concept so that I can actively seek them out in my life. As I look to build out my network and connect with more people who live here in Berlin, I will keep this knowledge in my back pocket and implement it where necessary. I know that you just need to keep showing up and what better place to do so than the third place in your life?
Maybe you will also do your own research. If so, you may also put t he wrong term into Google. Whilst researching this piece, I encountered many articles about Third Space Theory, which was initially confusing when gathering information, before realising it was not what I was talking about. It is, however, a fascinating concept, whereby, Homi K. Bhabha proposes that the third space is an interstitial space of cultural encounter in which the coloniser and the colonised negotiate, producing hybridity in culture. You can read more about this here.
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