Help! I’ve already failed my resolutions…
How can I get them back on track
This year I only have three resolutions.
German
Running
Writing
Everything that I do is to service these three things. Anything else is superfluous.
And on the surface, all looks like it’s going well.
I go to German classes twice a week.
I am running 100km per week with 2-3 speed sessions.
I attended a Substack writers meet-up last week and learnt from other Berlin-based writers.
But everything else in my life is seemingly left dragging behind. Like a can behind a just-married car in a 90’s film.
The turn of the year is not something that I always use to realign on my goals and resolutions. I re-write these time and time again each year as I shift the goalposts on whatever it is that I’m working towards - to keep me motivated to try and achieve the goal.
Take running for example. My goal was to take 9 minutes of my previous best half marathon time which I did. Then, I immediately moved the goalposts from 1:24 to 1:22, with the goal of running 1:20 in April. Spoiler alert, I ran 1:20 two weeks ago and now want to run 1:19.
So you see how the cycle goes.
The other big changes in my life are the fact that I’ve moved halfway around the world, again. And I’ve started a new job. My first day being the 2nd of January. So forgive me for feeling like the start of this year was the start of something new because it really did feel like everything was aligning.
Now, fast forward 5 weeks. I don’t think I’ve ever felt imposter syndrome as much as I am currently. I had the incredible privilege of only working 10 months throughout 2023 and 2024 combined. So, coming back to working full time has been a shock to the system.
I know what you’re thinking, woe is me. But I really thought things would be different. I thought that the change of year, and the change of employment status would give me a sense of direction; a routine at the very least.
However, seemingly the only thing that I can count on myself to show up for is running. Granted, I do now know what time of each day I need to run, which days I’ve got activities in the evenings, and when I have time to myself. But, I feel like things have been going backward. I’m often struck by an inability to prioritise work and feel like I’m making no progress.
At the Substack writers meetup this week (thanks Tuğba), the question that we were posed was:
One thing that worked well last year.
One thing that didn’t work so well.
Let’s focus on the second, what didn’t work so well. I’ve got to mention the podcast here. Feel free to check out Happiest Boy Alive on Spotify or Apple Podcasts if you so desire, but it was more of a distraction than anything else.
Because you can’t share links until articles + episodes are published, it was impossible to schedule posts and have the links work on both platforms. Requiring a lot of unnecessary manual effort and friction for releasing my writing.
The positive to come out of the podcast was that it helped me once and for all get over my fear of being perceived. Please, imagine recording a podcast by yourself and then sharing it on social media for your friends, family, enemies, people you met travelling ten years ago, and your classic IG lurkers.
It distracted me from my writing. Sometimes coaxing me into writing theoretically instead of experientially. Which, my heart was never in. I’ve done some cool shit, I can spin a good yarn. I need to focus on this. You have the likes of Andrew Huberman or Kilian Jornet if you want to hear about the specifics of optimisation.
I can share with you my experiences - no more, no less.
And I think that’s the point of this piece, I made a promise to myself that I was going to publish 52 weeks in a row on both Substack and Spotify. I made it to 20 episodes of the podcast and know now that it was holding me back. I’ve since fallen off delivering an essay every Sunday. More disappointingly, my journaling has really suffered.
I really thought that this year I was going to lock everything down, but it seems like everything has floated away. I need to be more intentional with my time, but it seems like I keep getting pulled in every direction. I get overwhelmed by the amount of different things that I need to do, which in turn makes me do none of them.
If I haven’t messaged you back, I’m sorry. Trust me, I’m not ignoring you. The message is burning a hole in my pocket every time I open WhatsApp and put my phone away without having the courage to respond.
I have taken some steps to rectify this. The first week of the year I planned out all my evenings:
Monday: Paddy Running Plan
Tuesday: Jordie Running Plan
Wednesday: Katharina Running Plan
Friday: Vlog Editing
Saturday: Article Writing
Sunday: Article Publishing
Jordie + Katharina’s training plans didn’t get finished until weeks later and my own has only been somewhat finished this week.
I know this all comes back to prioritisation. I’ve written about it a few times. We need to make a seemingly infinite number of decisions. But what’s most important is that we are resolute and thus satisfied with whatever course of action may follow.
Even right now, I have chosen to write this piece in favour of returning to my journal. The lesser of two evils. I needed to rant. Google Docs was calling out to me. Besides, I haven’t written one of the one-take pieces in a while and I always get an incredible feeling of satisfaction when I finish another one.
For now, I’m going to work on building up my courage to speak to locals in German.
I WILL run a sub 2:50 marathon in Rome in 5 weeks.
And I’m going to carve out time in my calendar to write in the same way that I do for running.
Thanks for reading, I hope that your resolutions are going better than mine x